New Chapter: Independence Reclaimed

Maybe someday I’ll walk into a therapy office and sit in a room with a complete stranger to my life and explain to him/her, “whenever I’m reminded of her, a sheer pain like razorblades on my stomach overwhelms me, and Doc, I’m reminded of her Everyday! How do I deal? Or where did I go wrong? Did I even do anything wrong...it was years ago and this still taunts me”, he’ll then proceed to tell me “I should light a stick of dynamite and shove it up my ass for being so pitiful and to get over it”. Then again, I could just forget all about the whole thing, too busy being consumed with happiness in my new chapter in life getting everything I ever wanted. I literally get the meaning of turning to a new chapter in life now.


See, it’s unwritten, and most people that don’t know what is written, can’t cope with it. This, need to know complex that strikes fear in any person that tries to steer clear of it. It’s a mental prison. People will subject themselves to misery without even realizing it for fear of loneliness, or loss of sexual contact with a particular person, which creates frustration and eventually anger, some times rage.


She never really liked to see me take the steps I felt strongly about that would help my career. She just looked condescendingly on virtually anything I did that excluded her.
What kind of success could I possibly gain, if I have to achieve them on her terms? This never registered with me. It’s crazy and I’ll never know. I refuse to get old and bitter, because I had a shot and I blew it, for the simple reason it has made someone else unhappy for his/ her own insecurities and fear.


I don’t want to live with fear. What’s the point? Your going to leave this earth at some point and your going to want to leave it, knowing you left trying to achieve something, for the contribution of a better world. No one wants to live a short life, but think about it. If it happens to you, will you regret the fact that you were fearful and cautious throughout life, or are you going to want to have known you lead a fearless, thrill of adventure. I obviously choose the latter hence my enthusiasm with writing it.


I’m so lucky and happy for all the luxuries I have obtained in life, and I’ll miss the luxuries I’ve shared with significant others that did not fully appreciate my existence or the very thing that defines me as a person, but I’d rather miss them, than become a slave amongst my inner thoughts, battling to tell me if what I’m about to do is going to offend my lover. I think love is about the person you are with, from both standpoints. Both of you make each other the single most precious thing in life and you accept one another for WHO you are……… not some media-brainwashed fantasy that everything is going to be picture perfect to a Cinderella story. A rendition maybe but never perfect.